“Row The Boat” is sooooo 2016. And with the hiring of P.J. Fleck as the Minnesota Golden Gophers’ new head man, it’s time to usher in the sparkle and shine for the new year.
Fleck has gone on record to state that Row The Boat will continue on with Ski-U-Mah in the Twin Cities, but we here at Talking10 couldn’t help but ponder what a new slogan could be now that the man who loves to get his oars in the water, has now backed the U-Haul up to Minneapolis.
So, without further delay, and without further whimsical nonsense, Andy Coppens, Dave Fitzgerald, Phil Harrison and Philip Rossman-Reich provide you with some corny, edge of craftiness potential slogans for the marriage between P.J. Fleck and Minnesota:
Defend The Bank-
Yep, they play in TCF Bank Stadium so…
Protect The Bank-
Again, the Gophers play in TCF Bank Stadium. Rinse and repeat.
Shovel The Snow-
Lest you forget, it’s COLD in the Twin Cities. They get a lot of snow.
Chip The Ice-
See above and add water.
Grind The Axe-
Made especially for you Badger fans.
Chuck The Wood-
Gophers aren’t wood chucks, but close enough, eh? You betcha.
Build The Dam-
Okay, okay, Gophers aren’t Beavers, but neither are wood chucks.
Dig The Hole-
Now we have the right rodent. Sounds imposing doesn’t it?
Shop The Mall-
This might be more for Fleck’s wife Heather, for the many trips to the Mall of America there in the suburb of Bloomington.
Sometimes it just works …
Win, Don’t Cha Know-
It’s not Canada, but pretty close. That Fargo accent has to rub off somewhere right?
Hot Dish, MMMMMM Bacon-
Literally everything is better with bacon, even big-time college football.
Secure The Trophies-
They certainly play for enough of them in Minneapolis, so why not?
Protect The Jugs-
You can figure this one out.
Clip The Mullet-
Minnesota loves hockey with its football. Hockey players love mullets. Fleck’s style is business up front, but party in back in the post game, so it all fits.
Drain The Lake-
It’s not Donald Trump draining the swamp in Washington, but Minnesota is the land of 10,000 lakes and its looking for a new direction.
Hit The Bull’s Eye-
Minnesota is home to mega-department store Target where you can waste hours looking at nothing, yet everything.
Walk The Skyway-
Have you ever been to Minneapolis in the winter? It’s a God-send to have the connected walkways in the air going from building to building so you don’t freeze your Gopher hiney in the brutal winters.
Okay, if we had the energy of Philip John Fleck, maybe we’d keep right on going. We don’t, and you’ve likely spent ten minutes of your time you’ll never get back. But hey, we had fun with it, and we hope you did too.
What do you think? Should Fleck implement one of these? Got one that you think would fit that we missed? Feel free to comment on Twitter to @BuckeyeFitzy @AndyOnFootball @RiseNU or @PhilHarrisonCFB